


a few of my favorite things

by Hydra_Trash_Gal



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Assets & Handlers, Drabble, Fluff, Healing, Other, Recovery, Sign Language, Stucky - Freeform, a touch of winterhawk if you’re imaginative, brainwashing aftermath, mentions of vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-10-02 15:14:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17266526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_Trash_Gal/pseuds/Hydra_Trash_Gal
Summary: Bucky is learning about being a person, who he likes and how to spend time with themorbucky has a bad day that gives him some very valuable information on how to hang out with steeb and clint for future needs.





	a few of my favorite things

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick drabble fic one-shot that’s been sitting on my hard drive for a while. It is not beta read so all mistakes are my own. Please let me know if you like it.

It was an accidental discovery one day. Bucky was used to watching, to absorbing the movements of those around him even though he wasn’t in the field.

His body demanded he be on alert for any threats, any possible sign that the serene life in the Tower wasn't what it seemed to be. How did a shell man like him end up with such caring people anyway? It hardly felt real.

Bucky tried to keep away from the team convinced that the fact he was there was an error and eventually they would realize and look to him with the disgust a murderer like him deserved. Despite that, Bucky couldn't leave. The thought battered around his brain like all the others between the fuzzy static that made him want to be strapped into the Chair and wiped.

Steve's floor was the most calming and it was where Bucky's quarters were. He had no reason to leave the floor but Steve always ordered him to. Bucky assumed that even though they had been friends all those decades ago, he too was sickened by him. Bucky always obeyed; he was still a good reliable Soldier and he needed to be back in the field doing the one thing he was good at: killing. 

But the others who dwelled in the Towers were kind too. Strange and new but Bucky enjoyed it when they spoke to him. He liked the pitches of their voices, how they went up and down. His past handlers and support teams had always used the same monotonous voice because Weapons couldn't process human emotions. It took half a dozen times meeting these same people who made such lovely sounds before Bucky made an effort to translate them to speech. 

English, like Steve spoke and in the case of Natalia, who did not go by that now, Russian. Bucky knew he ought to reply but Steve had told him to 'meet the Team' not 'talk to the Team' and Bucky followed orders. 

There was a man in the walls who followed him around and called him 'Sargent Barnes'. It was detached and faux human. It made Bucky want to strip himself out of his skin and burrow into the earth. Eventually the voice stopped echoing his movements save for announcing his arrival to others or telling him where he wasn't allowed.

The small man who owned the Tower — Tony Stark, son of Anthony and Maria Stark (Mission Status: Successful) — talked quickly when Bucky was allowed into the lab. It made him feel sick to be there but that was good because Tony was Bucky's new technician. Doctor Banner took care of his flesh body while Tony worked on the arm. 

Doctor Banner was another soft spoken man but Bucky knew about the monster inside him and kept still even though he wanted to run away from their prying eyes and prodding fingers and tools. "They're helping you Buck," Steve would say, gently untangling his hair. "It's okay." Steve would say, like soothing a wild horse. "It's almost over," Steve would promise like the good Handler he was. 

Doctor Banner looked at him with a guarded curiosity and Bucky knew he was another lab coat who wanted to cut him open and look around. Bucky just prayed that when he received the proper clearance for such that Steve would be there to smooth his hair and hold him down. 

Tony Stark was the opposite. He enjoyed the arm. His dark eyes glinted whenever Bucky held it out toward him. Bucky assumed it was because he was impressed by Hydra's work and also that he could cause Bucky pain. Surely he caused Tony pain seeing as he had orphaned him. Bucky wanted to say something about it; recognize it somehow but permission to speak freely hadn’t been granted it and it wouldn't change anything if he did apologize. They would still be dead. 

Bucky shifted listlessly from place to place in the Tower He was running from something and following another. He tried to see Natalia, he liked her Russian and stories about a little girl who had a wonderful teacher who made her strong and kept her safe. It was a good story and made him misty eyed with a muted sense of familiarity. He had heard the story too, a long time ago but it may as well have been the first time. 

It was by far the best. 

"It seems Miss Romanoff has closed her floor for visitors," Jarvis said and Bucky's shoulders pulled forward. "However it does appear Master Barton is here, shall I bring you to his floor?"

Bucky ached to ask who but the voice took him off guard, made all his programmed alarms sound off. Then there was a loud noise. The doors slid open to an open landscape apartment and a yellow one-eyed dog who jumped on Bucky's new soft gray pants. Bucky didn't know how to react. 

He didn't want to kill it. 

He didn't want to kill anything anymore. But if he allowed himself to fall into disrepair they wouldn’t let him back in the field. A spiky haired man was lounging across a chair seeming equally startled he was there. "Lucky no."

Bucky drew away from the canine and the voice in the walls asked if he wished to return to his quarters. Bucky's arm recalibrated and the dog sniffed at his metal hand curiously. Bucky moved even further away. He remembered the dogs Hydra kept. They kept them hungry and riled, like the Soldier when he was sent on a mission. Lucky seemed wired but not bloodthirsty. 

A useless attack dog. 

"Sorry," the man hooked a finger around the dog's collar and led it away. "You can come in. Didn't mean to have him jump you."

Bucky had been attacked by dogs before and wanted to snort. Lucky was no threat to him. But Bucky had been granted entrance so he obeyed and stepped into the apartment, giving the stranger and his dog a wide berth. Bucky went to the windows immediately. Before he would go years without seeing the light. They were higher than Steve's floor and his eyes drifted across the sky. It was getting later, dusk was falling. The city was bright, a sea of twinkling lights. 

The dog was coming closer, Bucky could hear the breaths panting from his mouth, the jingling of his tags. "I thought you were Natasha," the man said, sitting back on the couch. 

An electronic lay abandoned on the couch beside him — one of Stark's designs. Bucky had one too, given vague orders to 'do what he'd like with it' so he left it in the box on the shelf beside the other things Weapons didn't need like a phone and computer. 

Bucky turned to face the dog who paused, head cocked. His eyes hardened up but the dog did not turn away. He just sniffled. "Uh... I don't think I've seen you since you moved in." Bucky listened to his voice, flatter than most and a bit too loud. He had noticed the hearing aids already. "You settling in okay?"

Bucky considered the situation. Steve was not easy to upset and never had he said Bucky wasn't allowed to speak. He felt pitted to the core when he considered it a 'loophole' because that meant he was taking advantage. He was lucky to be there, to have a Handler with so much patience and kindness. ASL prodded at him as Clint cocked his head a bit waiting expectantly.

'Yes'. 

Clint grinned. "Hey you can sign? Awesome. These things drive me crazy sometimes." Clint removed the aids and asked how he liked the Tower.

Bucky considered it. 'It is...' his hands froze because he couldn't remember what it meant. Weapons didn't have preferences but he was a man now. 'It does not cause [me] harm'. 

Clint nodded his head as if it made sense but it hardly seemed coherent to Bucky. 'They're good people' Clint smiled, 'Steve is a good man and says you were a good friend'.

Bucky grimaced and folded his hands down. Clint frowned and his hand made a stalling motion. 'Do you like pizza?'

Bucky didn't know and gave noncommittal shrug. Clint perked back up and Bucky was glad he hadn't spoiled his mood. 'I'll order some.'

In fifteen minutes time Clint had a box of a greasy cheese pizza delivered that he looked giddy about. Bucky knew his stomach, still adjusting to solid foods, would not do well with it but he liked communicating with someone. He wasn't breaking Steve's rules. He took a piece and gagged on every bite but ate it, and three other slices dutifully. 

'I know how much you super soldiers eat' Clint signed, 'I had plenty so go ahead and eat at the rest.' 

Bucky obeyed and thanked Clint. He went to back the floor, stomach churning and rejecting the foodstuffs. Too much bread, too much cheese, too much grease. Too much everything. He couldn't be sick, that would upset Steve. "Sargent Barnes are you feeling well? I'm reading a higher body temperature than usual and raised blood pressure." 

Bucky knew. He had been trained to understand his body well. He knew his body temperature, his blood pressure, how many beats he had per minutes. It was all programmed. He knew his CTZ has been stimulated. He felt the saliva pooling in his mouth, unusually alkaline. The doors opened and he moved hastily toward the bathroom. Steve was in the hall and looked surprised a bit displeased to see him. "Bucky I thought you were spending some time around the Tower today?" Steve didn't seem angry, just disappointed. "You were doing better I thought?"

Bucky was forced to take in a deep breath before his diaphragm began to pulse pressure against his stomach. Steve read it as an emotion and he frowned softly seeming apologetic. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I don't mean to..ah hell Buck I know how hard it is to meet new people. Trust me. When I was unthawed I was... scared out of my mind. Making friends was my last goal but it should have been my first."

His glottis closed, blocking his airways and he could feel it all coming up in a surge. He pushed past Steve, far too hard — Steve gasped as his body hit the wall — and made a desperate dive to the toilet. He feared he wouldn't make it. He would make a mess and his Handler would makes him lap it up like he was a dog. By some miracle it all go in the toilet but Steve was at his side, running a hand over his back.

"It's okay. Hey, it's alright Bucky I'm not mad."

He hadn't realized he was apologizing already. His body felt heavy and taxed. He was horrified to see the cracks in the tile where his hand hand pressed down too hard. Steve shouldn't have forgiven him. He didn't deserve it.

It came to a shuddering stop, stomach painfully empty. He was stupid to follow the orders just so he could be there with Barton. What if he had been tasked with protecting Steve and he couldn't because he was sick? 

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"You're not stupid," Steve helped him and flushed the toilet. "I know it's hard getting used to normal foods again."

Steve oversaw Bucky brushing his teeth and then they went to the living room. "Are you feeling better now?"

"I damaged your floors," he whispered waiting for the corrections. "I'm sorry Steve."

"It's okay," he assured him again moving closer, so close now he could feel the heat coming off of him.

It made Bucky think about that small blond man, the one who was once Steve, and the way his body folded up so perfectly against his. He thought a thin mattress and rasping breaths. He thought about soft skin beneath his lips. He thought about being called Soldat and no, maybe those things never happened and he was confused. Bucky was always confused, always ashamed.

He couldn't ask; he couldn't let Steve see how the other Handlers used him because he thought maybe before Steve was his Handler, he was something more. If he was wrong, the damage would be irreparable. 

"I'm supposed to be meeting the others." It was a question and a clarification. 

"Not if you don't feel good Buck. And just because I suggested it doesn't mean you have to." That confused him even more. He hated orders that weren't quite orders. "Let's just take it easy today."

Bucky liked it when they 'took it easy'. Steve made them tea and put on movies they watched they were kids. Bucky didn't remember them but Steve filled in the gaps and he nodded at the right pauses. "Your dad..." he searched for sadness on Bucky's face. He should remember him but he didn't. "I remember he would buy us bags of popcorn each. A whole nickel apiece like it was nothing."

Bucky smiled and so did Steve. "Do you think I could eat popcorn now?" 

Steve seemed to weigh the possibility of it. The doctors had him drinking shakes twice a day and eating plain oatmeal in the mornings. "Maybe a little without anything on it." Steve's face had brightened a bit. "That's a really good idea Bucky. Want to help me make it?"

Bucky nodded and made a point to file away the information. 

If he wanted time alone with Steve, without having to meet the others, he just needed to be sick. 

And if he wanted time alone with Clint, to speak without speaking and touch the nice attack dog, he just needed to eat pizza.


End file.
